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Monday, March 12, 2007

This bites

This really bites! Today is day 115 and nothing. I can't believe we have been waiting this long. Today I lost it. I heard a song today driving in. It was the same song that I heard on the day of Maddie's referral. It is "Feels like today" by Rascal Flats. I thought it was a sign. I started bawling. I told myself not to get excited, but it really did feel like today.
All day I kept thinking I would get an email or phone call from my agency. I had a couple of missed calls from the 206 area code. This is a Washington state area code. That's where our agency is. I had been in another office and I came back and saw the missed calls. They didn't leave a message. Well it turns out it was a pilot who lives in Seattle who didn't leave a message. After I got off of the phone with him (he was whining about his days off and I really didn't want to hear his over paid behind whining about having to work) I had to go to the restroom because I lost it. I really, really, really thought I would hear something today. Other agencies heard today. People who were logged in after us received their LOA's today ( and every other time in the last 3 weeks or so). People who were DTC before or during the same time that we were who were NSN and then decided they wanted to adopt special needs because they didn't want to wait as long, received their LOA's today and the last several times that LOA's have been sent.
March 23rd will mark one year since we have started this whole process. I am so weary today. I am so tired today. I know I have no control over it and I'm really, really, really trying to be patient. The thing that bothers me is people who have waited less time will end up bringing their children home before I do. Meanwhile, my daughter sits in a cold orphanage in Dandong China (where they had their worst snowstorm in 57 years) on the border of North Korea 93 miles from a nuclear test site. My daughter sits in a cold orphanage not growing because of not receiving proper nutrition and because of her thorax and spinal deformity.
It's my turn now (it's also Heather's turn and anyone else who was logged in SN's prior to me and yes there are a few, not many but a few). It's our turn to celebrate our LOA. It's our turn to worry about airline rates and what hotel we are staying at. It's our turn to get to say when we are traveling. It's my turn to leave work and not come back for 4-5 weeks. My visa expires in July. I really hope I get to travel before then.
Okay, I've said my peace. I think I'm going to go cry again.


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